Bill Corbett’s Creating Cooperative Kids

29 - The Seven Needs of Children of Divorce

The Christmas Gratitude for Kids 7 - 12 now available at Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FZB2K4XF

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On today's show, professional speaker, author, and someone I call a friend, Tommy Maloney, and I unpack the seven essential things children of divorce truly need. We discuss the importance of parents who listen more and speak less, giving kids the space to express themselves without pressure. We highlight the value of regular access to grandparents, those steady anchors who provide comfort, continuity, and family connection.

We also emphasize how powerful it can be when parents take a parenting class, gaining tools to overcome the obstacles associated with co-parenting. We discuss the need for firm boundaries and limitations, especially during times when kids crave stability the most.

Tommy and I also explore how crucial it is to speak respectfully about the other parent, protecting a child’s emotional well-being. We touch on consistent rules about access to inappropriate material, making sure kids aren’t exposed to things they’re not ready for. And finally, we discuss the importance of parents having their own emotional support, because children need caregivers who are grounded, regulated, and capable of showing up with compassion.

These seven needs don’t require perfection, just intention, understanding, and love. 

ABOUT THE GUEST:  Tommy Maloney has spent years in the corporate world as a Training Consultant and Content Creator. He has partnered with brands such as The Home Depot, Bass Pro Shops, PNC Bank, United Airlines, State Farm, Savers/Value Village, and BJ’s Wholesale Club to create impactful learning experiences. This background has enabled him to connect with people from various backgrounds and distill complex ideas into actionable steps, skills he applies daily with his coaching clients. You can learn more about him at http://tommymaloney.com. 

28 - How to Get Kids to Pick Up Their Toys Without Nagging Them

ORDER the new Cooperative Kids Puzzle Book 

ORDER the new Holiday Shoppers Puzzle Book from Amazon.

Download the instructional handout for this exercise to share by CLICKING HERE

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ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Every parent knows the pain of stepping on a Lego at two in the morning — that tiny plastic reminder that life with kids is equal parts love and chaos. In this episode, I share one of my favorite stories (and lessons) about turning those frustrating “pick up your toys!” moments into something surprisingly calm — even kind of fun.

We’ll talk about what really works when your kids don’t do what they said they’d do, how to guide them without losing your cool, and why sometimes the quietest response can make the biggest impact.

It’s part story, part lesson, and totally real — because every parent’s been there. Grab your coffee, take a deep breath, and let’s laugh (and learn) our way through one of parenting’s greatest daily battles: getting kids to follow through… without the yelling.

27 - Parenting Book Review: RCB Gets a Thumbs Up

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Download the eBook HOW TO GET KIDS TO OWN THEIR HOMEWORK

Visit Bill's website:  http://cooperativekids.com

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Discover how one father’s journey to find better parenting tools led him to a transformative experience with the Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) program. In this heartfelt episode of The Bill Corbett Podcast: Creating Cooperative Kids, Bill shares how learning to pause before parenting reshaped not only his approach as a dad but also his connection with his children.

Bill explores what makes RCB so different from traditional discipline methods — emphasizing empathy, communication, and calm reflection over punishment. He discusses how taking a “parent timeout” can model emotional regulation, helping kids develop the same skill. Listeners will gain insight into how mindful parenting can strengthen family relationships and reduce stress at home.

If you’re seeking practical tools to raise cooperative, confident, and emotionally aware children, this episode offers real-world wisdom rooted in compassion and experience.

26 - Stop the Begging and Pleading: The new Wish Book is HERE!

Episode Review: Teaching Patience with the Wish Book

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Here's the link for The New Wish Book for Girls on Amazon

Here's the link for The New Wish Book for Boys on Amazon

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If you’ve ever found yourself in the middle of a toy store standoff — your child begging for the latest gadget while you debate between caving in or bracing for a meltdown — this episode is for you.

In this week’s show, we explore the brilliant simplicity of The Wish Book, a tool that transforms chaotic “I want it now!” moments into calm, teachable opportunities. Rather than saying “yes” or “no” in the heat of the moment, parents can redirect their kids to write, draw, or paste their wishes into a special notebook — their very own Wish Book.

✨ What We Cover in This Episode

• The Problem with Saying Yes (or No) – How giving in teaches kids that persistence (and volume!) works — and how saying “no” too often can create power struggles.

• How the Wish Book Works – Step-by-step guidance for using the book, including tips for encouraging creativity, cutting out store flyers, and making it a fun ritual rather than a frustration.

• The Big Benefits –

  • Delayed Gratification – Helping kids build patience and understand that wanting doesn’t mean getting right away.

  • Emotional Regulation – Giving kids an actionable way to process their feelings instead of melting down.

  • Decision-Making Skills – Teaching them to prioritize what truly matters over time.

  • Respectful Communication – Turning conflicts into calm conversations and strengthening parent-child connection.

• Parent Perks – Why this approach makes birthdays, holidays, and even shopping trips easier and less stressful, and how it can support your budget and family conversations.

💡 Why This Episode Matters

Parenting is full of teachable moments, but they often show up when we’re least ready for them — in checkout lines, at playdates, or right before bedtime. The Wish Book reframes those moments into something positive and proactive. This episode is packed with practical advice, humor, and encouragement to help you raise kids who are more patient, thoughtful, and emotionally resilient.

Whether you’re a parent looking to avoid power struggles, a caregiver hoping to teach gratitude, or just someone tired of the phrase “Can I have that?” — this episode will leave you with a new favorite parenting tool.

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🎧 Call to Action

📚 Get Your Copy: Ready to try it for yourself? Grab a copy of My Wish Book — available now on Amazon — and start transforming those meltdowns into meaningful moments.

💌 Share the Love: Know a fellow parent who could use a little more peace and a lot less whining? Send them this episode!

⭐ Join the Conversation: After listening, let us know how the Wish Book works for your family — tag us on social media or leave a review to help other parents discover this simple, powerful tool.

25 - Lost You're Cool in Front of Your Child - What to do Next

Even the most patient parent has moments they regret, such as the checkout meltdown, the raised voice in the car, or the hasty words that sting more than intended. What you do after those moments matters as much (if not more) than what happened in the heat of it. Children are resilient, but they need guidance to process what they have just witnessed and to learn how to manage their emotions effectively. Here’s how to turn a moment you wish you could erase into one of the most powerful lessons you can teach.

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Check out Bill's resources at http://BillCorbettsBooks.com

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24 - Dollars & Sense: Raising Money-Smart Kids

Money lessons don’t have to wait until your kids get their first job — they can start right at home, right now. In this episode, I sit down with another dad to talk about the small, practical ways we can teach our kids the value of saving, spending, and even investing.

We share real stories from our own households — from the first time we handed out allowance money to the creative "saving challenges" that actually got our kids excited to stash away their cash. We’ll dive into strategies like using clear jars for visual savings goals, turning grocery shopping into a budgeting lesson, and even letting kids "invest" in family decisions so they start thinking about returns and trade-offs.

But it’s not just about the kids — we also talk about how our own behavior sets the tone. Kids watch how we spend, save, and give, so we dig into the importance of modeling good habits, having open conversations about money, and being transparent about why we make the financial choices we do.

Whether you’re a new parent wondering where to start, or a seasoned dad looking for fresh ideas, this conversation will leave you with actionable tips and fun activities you can use this week to help your kids respect money — and maybe even have a little fun with it along the way.

23 - Love & Logic Has It Wrong... Again

Not all parenting programs are created equal, and many offer parents and teachers misguided information. We should not just demand and manipulate our kids into being more cooperative; we should be raising children who want to cooperate and be engaged in the family or classroom because they feel encouraged to do so.

In this episode, we'll reveal how one of those programs frequently offers misguided information and gimmicks.  In some of the parent practices of the Love & Logic methodology, they suggest that parents use techniques that lead to a child feeling shame, blame and guilt, three human motivators that are not only demeaning, but are incredibly discouraging.

22 - Is Your Child Begging for Labubu - What it is and Why

In this episode, we dive into the unexpected surge in popularity of the new Labubu doll from China and how its widespread success is sparking a wave of "fear of missing out" (FOMO) among children.

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Get the number one parenting tool that everyone is talking about

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As kids see their friends and peers with the latest trendy toy, the pressure to keep up can be overwhelming. We explore the psychological effects of FOMO and how it affects both children and parents, particularly when it comes to keeping up with the latest trends.

We also discuss practical parenting strategies for helping children manage FOMO. From fostering a sense of contentment and gratitude to encouraging creative play outside of material goods, this episode offers insightful tips to help parents guide their children through feelings of comparison and longing. Learn how to set boundaries, cultivate resilience, and shift the focus from possessions to experiences, helping children build emotional strength and a healthy mindset.

Join us for a thoughtful conversation on navigating the pressures of materialism in today's world and empowering your children to thrive beyond the latest trends.

21 - How To Stop Back Talk and Increase Cooperation

Get ready to learn the number one solution to stopping back talk and at the same time, increasing cooperation. You'll be listening to an excerpt from my television show, Creating Cooperative Kids, that was taped in front of a live studio audience. Sit back and relax, and get ready to learn tips that could change the dynamics of your home or classroom.

I surveyed parents over a 3 year period who attended my parenting workshops. The survey asked them what was their biggest complaints about the kids that brought them out to hear me speak. Now, the top 3 complaints I received were: they don't listen, they don't cooperate, and they talk back. When I brought these results up at other parent groups, the parents there agreed. Parents are hungry for the solution to these common and frustrating problems, but sometimes I'm able to change their perception completely when I tell them that a very high percentage of these problems are actually a symptom of something else and something the they can control.

If you too are experiencing these same problems with your children, pay close attention as I reveal much of the cause of children not listening, a lack of cooperation and back talk. The most important thing that I want offer you might be difficult to embrace. The greatest cause of a lack of cooperation from the kids is something we parents can control... our kids don't feel fully connected to whoever the primary caregiver is. Connection is the key. I believe that we were all put on this earth to feel connected to others. We're supposed to feel connected in families, groups, teams and clubs. We are a species created to be with each other. And children, whether they're 3 or 13, have this same desire; to feel connected. I think all children really want their parents to listen to them and to truly see them. 

Children want their parents to really be there 100%. The worst thing we can do is to be talking to a child when we're on phones or using other distractions. The primary thing that I hope to help you all understand about reconnecting with children, is how to do this when children have been away from the primary caregiver for an extended period of time, perhaps overnight or all day at school. When kids wake up in the morning, they want to check in with mom or dad or whoever their primary caregiver is. It's almost as if they have a plug and they just wanna plug back into whoever is caring for them. It can even be a grandparent or a stepparent, whoever it is, they just crave to plug back in. They just wanna know that they are important, that they exist that you can hear them. That they still matter. 

A mom came to me one time and said, you know, I'm having this problem with my kids. Every morning they begin to fight at the breakfast table. They're 4 and 6, and I can't stand it. I'm ready to sell my kids to the zoo. Please tell me What I can do to stop this fighting when it happens. This is a perfect example of the symptom of a child not feeling plugged in and connected and as a result, misbehavior can occur. Back to this mom's need for help, I asked her, when this fighting breaks out, what is going on with her? She then went on to list all of the chaos she was generating in that moment. She said, "I'm a single mom and I'm loading the dishwasher, putting in a load of laundry, I'm making lunches, I'm folding clothes and I might even be trying to talk to my boss on the phone, all at the same time." 

In that moment listening to her, I could feel the stress coming from her while she explained everything. So I said to her, here's one solution that, if you put 100% of your effort into it, it could resolve this issue and reduce the one thing you want to stop... the fighting. So here is your assignment. Starting on Monday morning because it begins a new week, I want you to sit down at the breakfast table with your boys. Come to the table with some sort of timer and set it for 10 minutes, just 10 minutes. During that 10 minutes, I want you are to sit there quietly and calmly and don't speak. I mean, don't say one word. Your only job is to communicate through your facial expressions. That means a lot of smiling and nodding. Just 10 minutes. 

One additional step... because you've got a younger child, a 4 year old, you be more successful if you take the time to set this all up in advance with the boys. This way they'll know what to expect and won't get freaked out on Monday morning that mom has lost her ability to speak. Over the weekend, set up what the new breakfast morning scenario will look like and practice it with them. Mom then says to me... "You're kidding me, right?! That's your advice?! To sit for 10 minutes with my kids and not talk?! I said yes. She said that's the most ridiculous parenting advice I have ever heard." 

One of the things I wrote about in my book Love Limits and Lessons is that the the it's so important for us to plug in and connect with our kids and especially with young children. And it's good advice to help them see in advance what it's all going to look like. So the mom got mad at me. She actually got up and left and walked out of the workshop. She wanted nothing to do with it. She thought it was the most ridiculous thing. Until about 2 or 3 days later she was done being mad at me and she tried it. Two weeks later she left me a voicemail and apologized for her behavior because she suddenly saw instant results. 

Now, do you think the fighting and arguing went away? No, probably not, but it got to a more tolerable level of arguing and bickering that reduced mom's stress about the fighting. Believe it or not, connecting with kids is one of the easiest things we we can do and the most powerful, if we believe in it and get behind it. Another stressful segment of any parent's day is the end of the day when you're picking kids up from school or they're coming home from school. When you come back together as a family as a unit, they again need that same kind of thing... the plug back in to the parents. I urge parents to talk less and listen more during these two critical points of a day with kids. 

If you have to speak during these times, avoid giving commands and instead, ask questions. They don't care what you're gonna say in those first few minutes they just wanna know that you care. They wanna know that you're you're still there for them and they're still number one. Also avoid getting distracted with newspapers, phones or televisions. You'll be more successful as a parent if you help them feel connected: no distractions, less talking, questions if you have to, facial expressions if you have to communicate and do it all at their eye level. Getting to their level says, "You are very important to me and I see and hear you right now in the moment."

This isn't much different than what we experience as an adult. How many times have you felt this yourself with someone you're in a relationship with, or perhaps noticed another couple experiencing this? Maybe you found yourself wanting to just say to the other person, "Do I matter? Just slow down for a minute. Can you shut the TV off for a little bit? Put that newspaper down, or want to say to them, "I want you to hear what I have to say right now." This connection is more important than ever in humans, especially children. What we have to realize is that if we allow our child to plug back in and reconnect with us, it can actually eliminate the need to act out and misbehave. That's because so much of challenging behaviors in children is communication. They are trying to tell us that they crave reconnection to us. 

So if you want cooperative kids, look for opportunities to help them feel like they're important and they matter. In the sample solution I gave to that mother seeking help, suggesting 10 minutes of silence for her at the table, you could even get away with just five minutes, especially just starting out with this type of exercise. Lead this kind of exercise you'll begin to notice changes in their behavior. 

I want add one other important thing that can increase a child's cooperation; encouragement. Encouragement is showing support for things they can do and accomplish. It's not just giving attaboys, but instead, getting them to talk about the things they like and can accomplish. It's all about looking for opportunities to make positive comments that help them feel important in the family or the classroom. It's been said that children need encouragement like flowers need water. Studies have been done to show how adults and youth alike are discouraged far more often then encouraged. Examples of discouragement include words intended to make them feel small, unimportant or insignificant. Encourage on the other hand are positive comments that lift them up.

I like to remind parents to learn to calm themselves and slow down a little bit more. If we take time to breathe deeply, amazing things happen and I know it sounds weird, but when we breathe deeply, more oxygen goes to our brain and allows us to think more clearly and be able to react more effectively in stressful situations. And when we slow down and become more calm, more often, we'll begin to notice a change in our children as well. They will feel that calmness from us and begin to feel heard and seen by us all the more. This will reduce their need to misbehave, talk back and they will in turn, listen more.

20 - Getting Kids in Bed On Time and to Stay There

I'm Bill Corbett, the author of the book LOVE, LIMITS & LESSONS: A PARENT'S GUIDE TO RAISING COOPERATIVE KIDS and I've spent over 25 years working with parents and teachers with children with challenging behaviors. How would you like to have your children in bed on time most nights and to STAY in bed? Then you're going to enjoy listening to the solutions I have to offer in this episode. 

It's bad enough that we parents are soooo tired at the end of the day. And if the bedtime routine that you've been dealing with seems to go on for hours, parenting in your home could be a nightmare with endless yelling. As in most parenting tips that I offer, success with your kids means setting things up in advance is key. Successful routines start with rules, boundaries and patterns that children can follow.

So when you're creating routines, you'll be more successful with your children if you practice them with the kids in advance and as often as you can. Children learn by watching and then participating in somewhat of a practice or make believe mode. You won't be very successful if you suddenly spring a change on them without warning. It's normal for them to resist because change feels uncomfortable for them. It's uncomfortable for anyone, even adults. So you'll be more successful with anything you've learned in this podcast if you set up practice runs with the kids so they will expect new routines to happen.

In this episode I'm reading a chapter from my book, Love, Limits & Lessons: A Parent's Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids. It's available in paperback, kindle and now on Audible.

Whether children should be allowed to sleep in bed with their parents or in their own is a personal choice for the adults involved. I can quote experts and present evidence-based data to support both sides of this discussion. This article offers suggestions for those parents who have decided not to practice family bed sharing and who need help in getting the kids to their own beds and remain there. 
 
Bedtime can be a very stressful time of day for families. Parents and children come together after a tiring day of work or school and yearn to reconnect with each other. While parents do want that reconnection, they also see an evening full of tasks that must be attended to before they can truly unwind and relax. But with all those dinner, homework and cleanup tasks that must be accomplished, it becomes difficult to allow that reconnection to occur as it should. Oftentimes, the children feel frustrated, sensing that their caregivers aren’t there 100%, so they express the frustration even further through misbehavior and a lack of cooperation.
 
When bedtime arrives, it can take an hour or more just to get the kids into bed and to remain there. By the time they do, parents are exhausted and dreading having to do it all again tomorrow night. Keep in mind that children don’t like to go to bed because it means the end to their day and more importantly, the end to their time with parents. They also seem to have this sense that a party begins once they are put to bed and don’t want to miss out, so they will do whatever they can to delay it. To help with this process, here are 10 things parents can do to make bedtime work more effectively.

Six Preparation Steps for the New Bedtime
• Allow your child to find some way of personalizing her room. From picking out a new lamp shade to an entirely new paint scheme, letting her be as creative as possible will help her feel as though the room really belongs to her. 

• Keep bedtime consistent and on time. Determine what bedtime will be going forward and announce it to the children. If an event or activity causes a late night, don’t let the plan fall apart. Reinforce the boundary the following evening and keep moving forward.

• Create a checklist of all bedtime activities that must be completed in the half hour or hour prior to bedtime. Allow them to help you make the list and then post it for all to see. For toddlers and preschoolers, create large drawings or cutouts to represent each activity and tape them at the child’s eye level on a wall in sequence. 

• Minimize the number of toys kept in the children’s bedroom. They are able to fall asleep best when there are few distractions in their rooms. 

• Avoid allowing your children to have entertainment electronics such as televisions, DVD players, computers, or video games in their bedrooms.

• Purchase a visual timer to manage the schedule of bedtime activities.

 

Four Steps for Implementing the New Process

• On the day you decide to begin the new process for bedtime, make an official announcement that you’re going to do some different things at bedtime tonight. Be sure to get to the kids eye level and use an exciting tone of voice when announcing the change. Say to them, “Starting tonight, once you’re ready for bed and I have tucked you in, I can’t speak to or look at you until morning.” For younger children, role-play what it will look and feel like. It could frighten them if you suddenly stopped talking. Recreate bedtime with them so they will be prepared with having you not speaking or looking at them.

• Explain to the children that getting into bed on time and staying there is part of cooperation; the more they cooperate with you, the more likely you are to cooperate with them. Express to them that you are so excited that they are going to cooperate with you.

• Take cooperation one step further by asking for each child’s agreement to stay in bed. Ask her to repeat the agreement and then excitedly thank her for cooperating with you.

• Thirty to sixty minutes prior to the official bedtime, announce that getting ready for bedtime has now begun. Bring out the visual timer, set it, and end all stimulating activities, including television and rough play. Make all the bedtime activities, such as brushing teeth, potty, and getting into PJs fun by being playful with them. Children love competition and races, so consider “racing against the clock” with the visual timer to get all the activities completed in time.
 
Finally, tuck the children into bed with your traditional routines and commit to not using your voice or eye contact until morning. Now here comes the fun part… if they get out of bed, lead them back by placing your hand on their back and guiding them lovingly to their bed without speaking to them or looking at them. Do this as many times as necessary. By doing this, you are communicating to them that you are following through with your original intentions and they will respect you for it all the more. If your child calls out to you and you are sure it is not an emergency, ignore the calls for more water or stories. It is all a tactic to prolong having to go to sleep. 

If your child becomes uncooperative and collapses on the floor, gently pick him up and bring him to his bed. Do all of this without speaking to him or looking at him, and avoid having any expression on your face. Looks of frustration or anger may delight him and motivate him to keep up the battle. Start this new process on a night when you can stay up a little later, as you may have to make quite a few trips on the first night of this new process. If there are two caregivers in your home, both should be ready to behave the same way and carry out these new procedures. 

One of the main points I hope you'll walk away with is a silent and loving mode of getting a child to a location to do something. In this case, it's getting them to bed. It requires no speaking, no emotional reaction, placing your hand on the middle of the child's back and guiding them to that particular spot. You then walk away in silence. To be successful with this, you must set it all up in advance by telling your child what your new behavior is going to look like and then role playing with them so they can see it.

I used this method to get my kids to pick something up that they left on the floor, to the location of where a chore was to be done, to the television to turn it off because they left it on, to the bathroom sink to get them to brush their teeth, to their bed in their room and or to locations for so many other situation. In the beginning they would try to engage me by asking me questions or whining about having to be coached to a location.

Then came the phase which was the most fun for me... they did not want me to go into the mechanical loving dad mode. I would move toward them in silence with my hand extended and ready to place on their backs and they would squeal with almost delight by saying, "Don't touch me," and would then run away from me to the location I needed them to go. This really added more fun to the family dynamics. They knew what I needed them to do and they had originally agreed to follow through. I hope you will give this method a try and do it over and over until it becomes second nature to you and comfortable for your kids to experience.

If you have questions about what you've heard here, I hope you will consider joining my RAISING AN INDEPENDENT CHILD Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you and help you implement some of these ideas. But let me caution you. Don't try to implement everything you learn in this podcast, all at once. It could overwhelm you. Pick just one or two tips at a time and do them over and over. Then replay the episodes at a later time to learn more. Thanks again for listening and please consider sharing or subscribing to this podcast. All information in this podcast is the property of Bill Corbett and Cooperative Kids Publishing. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.